If you're writing for children, effective dialogue is mandatory. Even with adult fiction, the reader skips dense description and looks for the next section of dialogue. If the dialogue is not up-to-par, the reader stops reading.

Dialect

The reader will quickly tire of interpreting dialect and will stop reading. Southern stories like Because of Winn Dixie are popular, but if you start dropping the "g" to imitate the southern accent, the reader will drop your story. Capture the flavor of the accent by using word order and omit funny spellings.

This passage from Mark Twain's Adventures of Tom Sawyer demonstrates this point. See how Tom Sawyer is much easier to read than Jim, the slave:

“Say, Jim, I’ll fetch the water if you’ll whitewash some.”

Jim shook his head and said: “Can’t, Mars Tom. Ole missis, she tole me I got to go an’ git dis water an’ not stop foolin’ roun’ wid anybody. She say she spec’ Mars Tom gwine to ax me to whitewash, an’ so she tole me go ‘long an’ ‘tend to my own business ­ she ‘lowed she’d ‘tend to de whitewashin’.”

“Oh, never you mind what she said, Jim. That’s the way she always talks. Gimme the bucket ­ I won’t be gone only a minute. She won’t ever know.”

“Oh, I dasn’t, Mars Tom. Ole missis she’d take an’ tar de head off’n me. ‘Deed she would.”

Write and then edit

Many writers edit as they write, but most find it best to get the words on the page first. Editing can always come afterward. Ignore what you see on the monitor, wear a hat that blocks the words or a blindfold if you simply cannot resist the urge to edit, and JUST WRITE. If you write without editing, you preserve the flow.

Use punctuation effectively

If you want the reader to understand exactly what you mean, be sure the punctuation is correctly done. If speech is cut off abruptly, use a dash. If the speech dribbles off, use ellipsis (a row of periods). On the computer the period takes up very little room, so try putting a space between each period so the reader's eye doesn't miss the ellipsis. (. . . vs. …)

But don't get carried away with little dots. The ellipsis consists of THREE evenly spaced dots with spaces between the ellipsis and surrounding letters or other marks. If that portion also ends the sentence, add a fourth dot for the period making a maximum of FOUR. Never use five or more.

Eavesdrop with impunity

Train yourself to listen in on conversations. One writer I knew would refuse a car ride to the doctor's office so she could ride the bus and listen to conversation. Notice how people speak in fragments, interrupt others (use that dash), and repeat themselves. Be careful not to imitate too closely as real conversation is boring when written as dialogue. Make it authentic, but not too authentic. Leave out the hems and haws.

Tape those eavesdropped conversations

Tape only if you will not get in trouble. If you do tape, listen carefully when you play it back as you will hear things you missed while eavesdropping. If you can't tape, station yourself near play equipment or at the Mall, and quickly write the conversations you hear. This will train your ear and mind to make the dialogue authentic. With kid conversations, the slang changes every year and can quickly date your story. After writing the dialogue, eliminate current fashionable slang.

Listen for the differences

Kids in different parts of the country, and even different parts of your city, will speak differently. They will give away their economic, social, and ethnic backgrounds. Listen carefully to hear the differences.

Each character should sound different

Readers need to hear the different characters. Look for differences in grammar and dialect. Some will be bright and others dull. One might be slow and methodical while another jabbers. Most of all, make sure that all don't all sound like you.

Blend speech and actions

Combined with the dialogue should be actions and thoughts along with tags that tell the reader who's talking. It's not effective to have a page of dialogue with "he said" "she said" followed by a paragraph or two of action and thoughts. They should be smoothly merged. See these examples:

"Hey, throw that football over here," Josh called as he took off running and glanced over his shoulder ready to receive the pass. I'll show them I can play football as good as Steve-a-reeno, he thought.

"What do you mean?" Sarah gave Emily a shove.
"Knock it off," Emily said as she shoved back, hard. And then the shoving turned into a fight.
"I'll teach you," Sarah said.

When to use quotation marks

You'll confuse your reader if you put both dialogue and thoughts in quotes. Thoughts can be done with italics and sometimes are expressed with a tag line like "he thought." Sometimes it's clear that the character is thinking without the tag.

The test

Read your manuscript out loud, or better yet, have someone else read it aloud. You'll notice easily the areas that don't sound natural. Be sure to edit right away before you forget your problem parts.